Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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