question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
