I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
