this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
