FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
