i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
