Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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