Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
