Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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