Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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