nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm bleeding and have questions
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
