I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
