i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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