I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
