The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
