If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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