just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
