i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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