The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
