thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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