apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
