I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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