i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
