I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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