I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize