Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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