I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
