he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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