I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
