Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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