she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
