these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I could make wine with my vomit
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
