Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
