Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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