Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
