before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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