More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just had sex on a roof
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize