i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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