You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
