I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
