conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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