I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I need moral support for this bender
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I have feelings that need drinking.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
