I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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