ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
