whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
