girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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