i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
