those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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