He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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