Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
