Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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