I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
