i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
