You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
