Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I can't turn off my feet"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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