Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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