Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
