I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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