I'm going to jail i love you
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
