This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
