I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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