somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
