I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
