about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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