yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I need a hoe opinion
go on
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize