just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
