I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
