He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
